pursuant to the "inalienable rights" of all men, and the First
(and possibly the Second)
Amendment to the Constitution of the United States of America.
Don't tread on me, pretty-please.
It's New Years Eve! But remember, it's amateur drinker/amateur cop night in
Crying Newt video, where Gingrich feigns humanity for the mom
vote. Right after the tears appear (or not), you can hear a baby
start to wail in the crowd. My son James theorizes that a Gingrich
operative pinched the kid on cue; I say it was someone
preparing the infant for Newt's dinner.
Robert Reich, who served in the Ford and Carter
administrations and was Secretary of Labor under Bill Clinton, says a
big switcheroo is in the works: Joe Biden will become Secretary
of State, while Hillary will run as Vice President with Obama. He
added he has no "inside knowledge."
Often on Saturday mornings I find myself choosing
Fly Tying: The Angler's Art on KPBX over any of the network news
With all the money being spent, all the campaign
ads, all the analysis, all the talking heads jabbering about the
influence and importance of what's about to happen in Iowa in a few
days, just remember: the last person to win the Iowa Caucus was Mike
Republican candidate Michele Bachmann's Iowa
campaign chairman resigned yesterday and endorsed rival Ron Paul.
Did you know that actor James Woods is alleged to
have an IQ of 180? Woods was a brilliant student who achieved a
perfect 800 on the verbal and 779 on the math portions of the
pre-1995 SAT. He attended MIT on scholarship yet still agreed to
Hard Way with Michael J. Fox.
Shoppers, have you herd? It's Mega-Monday, so
proclaimed. Ten percent of all holiday spending gets spent today.
You thought it was over? Hah! Dig out that plastic. The Big Spend
will not end. It's Mega-Monday. I kid you not.
Also, today is Boxing Day, a day following Christmas when
wealthy people and homeowners in the United Kingdom would
traditionally give a box containing a gift to their servants, and
the servants would traditionally smile and walk away and call them
Just when you thought society couldn't possibly
descent into Orwellian Hell any deeper:
Occupy L.A. protesters who were arrested for
misdemeanor offenses, such as failure to disperse, are being offered
a chance to avoid court trials: pay $355 to a private company for a
lesson in free speech.
MC, I guess, if you're into that.
"I usually grow this beard out around
Christmas. I like to go to malls dressed as Jesus, and I like to
then walk around the mall and go, 'No! No! This wasn't what it was
supposed to be about, people!' Then if there's a Santa at the mall,
I walk up to him and say, 'Listen, fat man, you're just a clown at
my birthday party.'" -- Marc Maron
"Christmas and the New Year are actually two
holidays. So there is a plural, which in the English language,
necessitates the use of 's.' I suppose you could say 'Merry
Christmas' and 'Happy New Year,' but you probably have shit to
do." -- Jon Stewart, on Bill O'Reilly's objection to
You know you're skirting the edge when you watch
Christmas specials and say, "Dude, I'd totally do Mother Mary's
Amazing but true:
One of the signs of the Apocalypse
is a shoe...
Is it just me? or did the day seem really, really
The explanation of this bizarre phenomenon is
relatively simple: Congressman Paul is asking us to change our
imperialistic, war-mongering ways. Big Media and Big Corp will not
be giving up their festering cash cow without a fight.
America has not seen a character assassination
attempt like what will be unleashed if Ron Paul wins the Iowa
caucus. (Which I STILL predict he will do.)
Fargo, ND, which averages two murders a year and
zero incidences of terrorism, recently spent $8 million so their
police officers can don Kevlar helmets that go so fashionably well
with the military-style assault rifle now in every squad car. And,
as they like to say, "it's only a matter of time" until
they'll be able to roll out their quarter-million dollar armored
truck, complete with swiveling turret.
Give me Slim Pickens yippie-yi-yaying and waving his
hat on top and maybe I'll sign up on this. Otherwise, no.
(I know this is happening everywhere; I'm not
picking on Fargo. You have to like Fargo if only because of Fargo.)
The late North Korean dictator Kim Jong-il loved
cinema. He reportedly owned more than 20,000 videos and DVDs and was
enamored with Elizabeth Taylor and others. He loved cinema so much
he kidnapped South Korean director Shin Sang-ok and forced him to
make films for the North. One of the films was Pulgasari, a bizarre,
communist version of Godzilla, about a small doll that magically
comes to life when it touches blood. The doll grows into a giant,
metal-eating monster that helps peasants overthrow their leader,
only to find themselves enslaved by the creature's constant desire
for resources - an overly obvious metaphor for capitalism.
on YouTube! -- the only North Korean film to which we Western
degenerates have access.
And when ye pray, ye shall not be as the hypocrites:
for they love to stand and pray in the synagogues and in the corners
of the streets, that they may be seen of men. Verily I say unto you,
They have received their reward.
Recently re-re-re-arrested Spokane "career
criminal" Kristopher (Budwick) Roybal wrote
on his MySpace page how he loves "car stereos and hooking
The ACLU recently reported about the push to use
unmanned Predator drones in U.S. airspace to survey American
citizens. Already American's
have been arrested with the help of spy plane info.
Some of the Left is finally coming to grips with the
fact that Obama not only wanted to keep the provision in the
military bill that allows for indefinite detention of Americans, he
insisted on it. _____
Yesterday, Sen. Mark Udall and Dianne Feinstein
introducing the Due Process Guarantee Act of 2011, to clarify that
American citizens apprehended inside the United States cannot be
indefinitely detained by the military.
Watch this closely. It sounds good on the surface
but can still go either way: as something with teeth that does what
it says, or just a way for liberal Dems -- including Sen. Al Franken
(!) -- to appease their guilt for the crime of voting yea on the
liberty-gutting National Defense Authorization Act of 2012.
We should not accept the Udall argument: that the
bill was necessary because the overall spending authorization for
the military was vital to the nation’s protection.
If you remove due process of law and habeas corpus
-- the foundations of civilized society -- there is no nation left
I missed last night's Republican debate because of
crunch time at work. I feel like the heroin addict who lost his kit
at the bus station.
He called Bill Clinton "a cynical, self-seeking
ambitious thug." He called Henry Kissinger a war criminal and
Mother Teresa a fraudulent fanatic. I've loved him, but not as much
as I've hated him. In the end, though, I'm deeply saddened by the loss
of such intellectual prowess: Christopher Hitchens, dead at 62.
The Occupy Spokane people are saying the Spokane
City Council passed a resolution last night supporting their movement.
The Council passed Resolution 2011-0098,
"recognizing and supporting the peaceful and lawful exercise of
the First Amendment as a cherished and fundamental right in the
effort to seek solutions of economically distressed Americans at the
Federal, State and local levels."
That's right, they merely recognized the obvious.
An all-too-trusting whitetail in Heyburn Park
earlier this morning.
Mitt Romney's $10,000 bet is just another diversion
to keep us from talking about what's really important: that we are
being robbed and subjugated by a small group of super rich
criminals. Now, I'd be more likely to vote for a resurrected Spiro
Agnew than Romney, but his gaffe (and it was a mistake) is no worse
than when I bet someone five bucks the other day -- that fiver would
have fed five Somalis for five months.
This is not a joke: They're trying to call today
Green Monday -- the biggest shopping day since Black Friday.
Here's the film we
produced in the final eight hours of the 48 Hour Film Fest, finished
with only nine fingers.
While we came up with a good script, and enthusiasm
was our love child, we were forced to cancel production on our
48-hour project because of human error. I'll be chopping off of the
end of my little finger in pursuit of redemption. Film at eleven.
Ron Paul just won the Iowa Republican debate.
How the candidates placed tonight, IMHO:
1) Ron Paul 2) Mitt Romney 3)
4) Santorum 5) Perry 6) Bachmann
I'm staying with my prediction that Ron Paul will
win the Iowa caucus.
The game is afoot! The Spokane 48-Hour Film Festival
has begun. Here's the deal. The film must contain the following:
Theme: The Dawn of
Time: Year of the Dinosaur
Prop: Something red. This must be the
focal point of the story; the story must revolve around the red
Required Action: Someone must be seen
making the devil's horns gesture with their hand.
Dialogue: "To you this might look
suspicious, but let me explain."
Dinosaur? Are you serious?
Small Faces are inducted into Rock and Roll's Hall of Fame. Yeah,
the whole system is stupid because of the great rockers they ignore;
but still, Faces bridged the gap from the dorky, Brit
"mod" scene to full-blown psychedelia - so
evident in the song Itchycoo Park.
Saturday morning there will be a total eclipse of
the full moon.
Best seen in the western United States.
This weekend is the illustrious Spokane 48-Hour Film
James Hennessy and I are signed up and ready to shoot (film,
that is). Unfortunately it's also my busiest time at my "real
job". Still, look for us to cough up some form of cinematic effluvia
from our collective creative gullet.
You know the deal, right? You have 48 hours to make
a short film longer than three minutes but no longer than five. Just
before the clock starts to tick, you are given a list of things that
must appear in your film.
Here's our past entries in local competitions.
bag-- from the 2009 48-Hour Film Fest. My personal favorite. It
was picked as one of the Elite Eight that was shown at city hall
during First Night Spokane. It's perhaps the first cinematic use of
a non-living, common household item as serial killer.
Prop: A zip lock bag
Location: A restaurant (!)
Dialogue: "It is your head, arms, legs, what? Just tell
Each team drew a separate genre. We drew HORROR!
The Tenth Floor --
from the 2010 48-Hour Film Fest. Fraught with trouble from the
beginning. A good script that had to be altered in post-production
because of tech trouble. It's worth a watch if only for Jesse's
awesome camera work and editing, but most of all because of the
beautiful and talented model/actress Nirvana Houghton (now Nirvana
Drew) in the main
Theme: The number 10.
Location: A stairwell
Dialogue: "Maybe if you knew what it was like to deal with
this, you'd think differently."
Prop: The six of hearts card.
Bonus - Have at least one intentionally out of focus shot.
Oxy and Drakkar -- Our entry for the 2011 50-Hour Slam, which is a lot like
the 48-Hour fest but you're two hours more tired. We had to
interpret the song "Apples and Oranges," by a local hip
hop group. The result was epic weirdness. In the end we were
disqualified because we didn't follow some dumb rule that had
something to do with reading the rules.
of Forgotten Dreams, Werner Herzog's amazing documentary about
Chauvet Cave, a cavern in southern France that contains the oldest
human-painted images yet to be found on Earth, is now streaming on
I love horror films. Sadly, though, the vast
majority are mediocre. So when I find an exceptionally unusual,
intelligent, well-written one, I like to pass it on. Pontypool:
the wrong place at the wrong time for radio shock-jock Grant Mazzy.
Also, it's a great example of a Canadian film that is obviously
Canadian without hockey-pucking it in your face.
here to hear the Canadian National Anthem.
just figured out that I'm 674 months old, which is 20,500 days,
which is 1.77 billion seconds, which is why my body is so sore in the
Re: Yesterday's posts. Don't get me wrong, I'm not
endorsing Ron Paul for president. If he defects and runs as a third
party candidate I might consider it. If I actually voted for a
Republican I fear my skull would explode and burst into flames.
Also, re: the Lincoln quote. Lincoln was actually
If you think I've said some crazy things before,
check this out: Look for Ron Paul to surge in the polls. Look for
the media to play it off as a fluke. I PREDICT RON PAUL WILL WIN THE
American voters will see that all of the
presidential candidates, including Obama, are calling for more of
the same -- they'll still be beholden to big bankers and will still
provide avenues for them to suck us dry; they'll still worship the
military and will still promote the lie that we must remain imperialist
warriors and world policeman.
I don't agree with a lot of what Paul says; but, he
is the only candidate promoting something revolutionary. Which is
exactly what this country needs.
only trouble, that I can see, with the internet and social media, is
that there are many times when one cannot truly know if a quote is
accurate. This is the real threat to our republic."
- Abraham Lincoln
Just before they all stripped and writhed naked and
spit and shat and blasphemed and otherwise besotted the American
flag, American culture and American liberties, the Senate yesterday
enthusiastically passed the National Defense Authorization Act of
2012, making it possible for some present or future collusion
between the president and the military to exert power previously
known only to tyrants in totalitarian regimes.
Obama said he'd veto the bill if what just happened
I don't believe it.
The current administration has already claimed the
authority to kill Americans overseas if they are suspected to be
terrorists. And now Congress is trying to give the president power
-- with military backing -- to imprison Americans indefinitely,
without charges or respect for habeas corpus, if he claims they are
What president has ever chosen less power?
This is an outrage. Members of Congress who praised
and supported that provision of the bill grossly violated his or her
oath to uphold the Constitution.
We already have a system to deal with suspected
terrorists: present the charges and evidence to a judge. No one
person or group of people has the constitutional authority to lock
you up without access to a lawyer, or a trial, or American
To promote and do otherwise is an act of treason, a
crime punishable by death -- with proper judicial review, of course.
Washington's governor Gregoire and Gov. Lincoln
Chafee of Rhode Island have formally petitioned the feds to
reclassify marijuana as a drug with accepted medical uses. Here's
the story in the New York Times.
November total hits: 104,757
Highest daily hits: 7072 on 11/07
Hey! Sometimes a gun is just a gun.
It was yesterday, I think. There was snow
everywhere. My son, James, and I were in a small town's school lunch
room listening to Johnny Depp singing and playing blues guitar to an
appreciative crowd sitting in tiny kid seats at long tables. Depp is
really good and I have James ask if I can video tape him playing a
song. But the concert ends abruptly -- Johnny Depp is gone and
people are leaving. Suddenly I realize my camera is missing. I freak
out. We look everywhere. My eyeglasses are gone as well. We search
until everyone has left the lunch room. Suddenly, a stern-looking school lady
enters the room holding two furry slippers cupped together. "Is
this your gun?" she asks angrily. "Yes, yes," I say,
thinking she meant camera instead of gun. I take the slippers and
open them; revealed is a beautiful, purple, sparkling, formal
high-heel shoe. And then it hits me: "Wait a minute," I
say, and I sit up in bed. "JOHNNY FUCKING DEPP STOLE MY
Friday. Small Business Saturday. Cyber Monday.
I can't wait for We Don't Fall For This Crap Tuesday.
Thanks for not upsetting us.
Gun fire, pepper spraying, fist fights, armed
robberies, police brutality, mob insanity - Oh, Santa, it's gonna be
the BEST Christmas EVER!
Did you know that today is called Black Friday
because it's when American consumers reveal
the staggering emptiness
of their souls?
Pakistani authorities eased on their demands that
text messages containing nearly 1,700 “obscene” words should be
blocked, following outrage from users and campaigners. Among the
offending words were “Jesus Christ”, “lotion”,
“athlete’s foot”, “robber”, “idiot”, “four twenty”
and “harder”. [Please provide your own closing sentence using
all aforementioned obscenities.]
What a waste! Neo-cons are outraged. A survey by The
Associated Press shows the Occupy movement has cost local taxpayers
nationwide at least $13 million since the protests began. To
illustrate how these unwashed neo-hippies are crippling our economy,
one day of the Iraq war (not to mention Afghanistan, Libya, etc.)
cost 720 million. A day. We could have bought nearly an hour more of
Freedom if it wasn't for these vagrants.
Stop freaking out. They can still form the
The whole Super Committee concept was just another
bullshit scam to promote the illusion of big differences between
Dems and Republicans. The reality is that both parties want Big
Government. Both parties want More Money to spend. Their
best-case-scenario would have cut two percent from fed spending over
the next ten years. It means nothing.
Earthquake! A 4.6 temblor shook the Okanogan
Valley at 5:09 am.
I really wanted to say it. I researched. I took
notes. I wrote it out with much passion. I carved it down to a few
Then I read this quote by Sen. Bernie Sanders.
"The deficit was caused by two wars not paid
for, huge tax breaks for the wealthiest people in this country, and
a recession as a result of the greed, recklessness and illegal
behavior on Wall
Street. And if those are the causes of the deficit and the
national debt I will be damned if we’re going to balance the
budget on the backs of the elderly, the sick, children, and the
I delete my uber-essay.
Authorities in New York say they're expecting tens
of thousands of Occupy protesters to gather for the "national
day of action."
In Spokane, the movement is setting up a
permanent camp in Franklin Park today. But the map they provided on
their Facebook page shows the park being on Monroe and Wellesley,
when in fact Franklin Park is on Division near Northtown Mall.
"Those who make peaceful revolution impossible
will make violent revolution inevitable." - John F.
A new Bloomberg poll
of likely caucus participants shows a four-way tie in Iowa, with
Rep. Ron Paul joining Mitt, the rich one, Newt, the
"smart" one, and Herman Cain, the one with the pimp
Ron Paul? Doesn't he seem a bit out of place with
this group of butt gropers, warmongers, waterboard wanna-doers and
I've already voted for Ron Paul for president. In
1988 America faced the absurd choice between neo-Nazi George Bush
the first, dufus Mike Dukakis, comedian Pat Paulsen, old-school Nazi
David Duke, as well as Jesse Jackson, Donald Rumsfeld and Paul Simon
(not the singer, who would have been better than any of the
aforementioned). Ron Paul ran on the Libertarian ticket.
Don't look for the media to make a big deal of -- or
even mention -- the Ron Paul surge. Big Media is Big
Corporation, who are all up to their neck in the Military-Industrial
Complex, and are all dependent on the continuation of weapon and war making.
They will do ANYTHING to subvert a man who wants to bring home
troops from everywhere, wants to cease the American tradition of war-mongering and
wants to put an end to crony capitalism.
Debris: The emergence of the police state, early this morning,
shown with eloquent desperation by Amy Goodman of Democracy Now.
Hundreds of cops evicted Occupy Wall
Street protesters early this morning from Zuccotti Park in New York,
the epicenter of the worldwide movement protesting corporate greed.
The protester's tents and belongings were hauled off in dump
OtherSpokane Prediction: The new hot toy this
Christmas will be the Riot Gear Rodney doll. Don't forget the accessories!
Your kids will have hours of fun gassing and arresting protesters
(protesters not included).
Oakland Mayor Jean Quan, speaking in an interview
with the BBC, just admitted conspiring with leaders of 18 US cities
to coordinate the nationwide crackdown on Occupy Wall Street. Who do
you suppose set up this meeting? And what exactly did they have to
Except for Ron Paul and that other guy who won't win because he's too smart, ALL of
the contenders in the Republican debates last night revealed themselves to be potentially dangerous
if only because of their disgusting, inhumane, un-American position on torture.
I was embarrassed for America because of these dolts praising the
glories of waterboarding. Sick and pathetic.
Two employees missed work yesterday to play a new
video game. They're also using that new joystick that sits directly
in your lap and is operated by making up and down motions with your
hand all night.
Yesterday, Occupy Spokane put away their EAT THE
RICH placards and replaced them with signs honoring veterans. Today,
their Saturday march is dedicated to America's servicemen and women.
Personally, I don't understand why more veterans -- who came home to
foreclosures and sleazy repo people -- aren't out holding EAT THE
RICH signs in greater force.
People are wondering if Rick Perry could actually
recover from his major brain freeze during the debates the other
night. But consider this: Newt Gingrich is surging in the polls! If
Newt can recover from years of being Newt Gingrich, then Perry can
certainly do the same.
First snow in Spokane, accompanied by 50 mph
Here we go again.
I just got home from an extremely busy, 13-hour day
at work and I'm working on my third drink. Please take this into
No doubt you've heard it's 11/11/11. All day long
I've been thinking back to a specific day in grade school. My
teacher was commenting on the fact that the day's date was properly
written 6/6/66. She went on to say that many of us in that room, God
willing, would see 9/9/99, or even 12/12/12. And
I remember how, for some strange reason, I woke up a little bit that
day. I remember the way the light slanted across the classroom
floor. I remember the smell of formaldehyde from the science room
across the hall. I remember the mystery I sensed in those unusual
arrangement of numbers. I remember the innocent wonderment, the
strange sense of optimism I experienced.
Unlike now. I look at 6/6/66 and obviously see the
MARK OF THE BEAST! Of course 9/9/99 is just 6/6/66 upside down. And
12/12/12 -- did that teacher know nothing about Mayan prophecy? On
12/12/12, those of us still alive will be hunkered down in caves and
other holes in the dirt trying to escape fiery meteor strikes and
roaming bands of cannibal death squads.
And yet, even now that I've come so far, I'm happy
to relate that I have been successful in retaining that first sense
I'm convinced I'll find the very best hole.
This is just nuts. Jesus in burnt toast, Mary in
wall mold -- the latest incident of quirky camera angle and
overreach of collective imagination is this agonized
face found on a testicular tumor.
It's official. The state of Washington is out of the
liquor business. (Hey, my friend, Stonie McWeedseeder, has a great
idea about what to do with all of those soon-to-be-vacant
Watching Rick Perry's campaign crumble during the
Republican debates was kind of like when one of your parents say on
Christmas Eve, "Okay, you don't have to wait until morning. Go
ahead and open one present."
Did you know?
Downtown Spokane used to be really, really, really
Another real text conversation:
AmeriFree: So I assume
you're voting for socialist Obama.
Me: I'm voting for Perry.
AmeriFree: Perry, are you serious?
Me: Yeah. I like her position on sex
with California girls.
AmeriFree: Are you talking about Katy
Me: Who are you talking about?
Some Italian art dude says he's found a profile
of the devil in a fresco by the renaissance master Giotto. The
painting, high up in the Basilica of St Francis in Assisi, and
dating back to the 13th Century, portrays the death of St Francis.
Once it's pointed out, a creepy face can be seen in the
clouds. But why the devil? To me it looks less like Satan and
more like Sixties television icon Ernest
It is exactly one year until the next presidential
ABC news just reported that over one million
Americans have recently moved their accounts from the big banks -
not counting what happened during yesterday's National Bank Transfer
Credit Union National Association said Thursday that during October credit unions
have added 650,000 members (normally about 80,000 a month) and $4.5
billion in deposits. Forbes magazine said, eh, a billion here a
billion there, not gonna matter that much.
Standing in front of Chase Bank in downtown Spokane
yesterday, protester Mariah McKay testified in front of about 200
picket-yielding, slogan-chanting Occupy Spokane supporters that she
went into the bank the day prior and tried to close her account,
explaining fully her reasons for doing so. Bank officials then
instructed "this six-foot tall, 300 pound security guard,"
she said, turning and pointing to the uniformed man behind the glass
door, to escort her out of the building. Which he then did. I'll try to verify this
Probably just a coincidence: Muslim pilgrims are
currently casting stones at a pillar, symbolizing the stoning of
Satan, in a ritual called "Jamarat," near Mecca. In front
of American big banks yesterday, many equally zealous Americans did
For the record: It is the 6th of November and Wal-Mart
just e-mailed me an ad that read "'Tis the Season for Very
Merry Savings - Every Day Low Prices on Everything Christmas."
Today is National
Bank Transfer Day, the center of a push by the Move
Your Money Project, a grassroots movement encouraging Americans
to take money out of big banks (read Bank of America, Chase Bank)
and put it into the vaults of Main Street institutions (community
banks and credit unions).
Today is also Guy Fawkes Day. More than four hundred
years after the gruesome death of the man who plotted to blow up the
Houses of Parliament with barrels of gunpowder, hundreds of
protesters wearing Guy Fawkes masks plan to march on that same
central London institution. It's an obvious recreation of one of the
final scenes of "V
for Vendetta," a film about a mysterious masked
revolutionary who brings down a totalitarian regime by blowing up
60 Minutes commentator Andy Rooney dead at 92,
just a month after his final commentary aired. Don't give up what
you love, my friends; all that's left is darkness...
Spokane - worst parallel parkers on earth.
11/03/11 - Existentialism for
Cop Karl Thompson found guilty of excessive force and lying to
investigators in the beating death of mentally disabled man, Otto
Zehm. Witnesses to the beating say they're not surprised by the
would be a great time to launch that "Visit Downtown
OtherSpokane Winter Prediction Department is predicting a
predictably unpredictable winter this winter.
An actual text conversation with my son:
J: What could be
used as a litmus test to spot "the man"? 100%. On a one to
one basis. Me: Omnipotency. J: Crap, I was thinking like
rock, paper, scissors or something. Me: That was my second choice. J: Or maybe some kind of Solomon,
baby-cut-in-half trip? Me: It depends on if this is a
mere thought experiment or practical application. J: Practical app of course. Me: Whose baby is it? J: Hmmm...
Thank you to all the freedom-loving folk, the connoisseurs
of the odd and underreported, the liberal loonies, right-wing
whackos, national occupiers, random web surfers, long suffering
Spokanites, and federal security agents from multiple departments
for making yesterday this website's highest ever hit day at 7171
hits, and October the highest monthly hits at 88,512.
Here's my friend Jesse James Hennessy's and brother
Jordan's HALF HOUR LONG film
review of the classic "Hobgoblins." FUNNY STUFF!
I walked through the entirety of Riverfront Park
today and didn't see any tents let alone any gazebos.
Today, though, how will we tell a
dress-up revolutionary from a real one? (Answer: The blood on the phony ones smell like corn syrup.)
Some unusual horror movies (streaming on Netflix)
that you might have missed: Lake
Mungo, my favorite find of the last few months;The
Ward, John Carpenter's latest. Some
of it shot in Spokane (I think); Senselessnot supernatural, but horrifying; Trollhunter,
a hundred times better than it sounds; The
Thaw,with Val Kilmer; Offspring,
described as a finger-licking-good cannibal tale; and, if you're
truly disturbed or want to be soon, Slaughtered
When I was born, there were 2.7 billion earthlings;
today there are seven billion. In the 55 years prior to me being
born, the world grew by 700 million inhabitants. In the 55 years
since I've been on this planet it has gained 4.3 billion people.
Don't look at me. I only added a couple to the crowd.
Not so fast, doomsayers. The US Census Bureau just
announced that, according to their
projections, the blue-green orb won’t reach seven
billion for more than four months. Sooo... Yeah! Let's make some
Occupy Spokane keeping it interesting: the Facebook
page just called for protesters to "Begin an Actual Live In
24/7 Occupation." And that revolutionaries should, "Grab
your tents and head down to the Riverfront Park Gazebo."
Only in America: America arresting Americans for
practicing American values. In Oakland, an Iraq War veteran was
seriously injured as police sprayed pepper spray, shot rubber
bullets, exploded flash grenades and arrested scores of Americans
last Tuesday. In Atlanta, helicopters hovered overhead Wednesday as
riot police arrested more than 50 Americans. Arrests of Americans in
Austin. Arrests of Americans in Portland. In San Diego, 50 plus more
Americans were arrested. Last night in Denver police shot pepper
spray and rubber bullets and arrested more Americans.
I just saw Tom Brokaw on Meet The Press plugging his
new book, "The Time of Our Lives." The book bemoans the
lack of any sense of national unity. Hey, earth to Tom: get out of
the office, walk over to the park, or the plaza outside city hall,
or that certain traffic meridian with the statue of the irrelevant
soldier of some irrelevant battle. Open your eyes, dude. Duh.
The triumph of Nazism: It's "No Refusal"
weekend in Austin, TX. If arrested for DWI and you refuse a
breathalyzer, a judge will sign a court order to have your blood
My friend, Randall, via Facebook, just informed me
that DWI forcible blood draw is the law in most states. Makes
me wonder how much force is used in extracting blood from
uncooperative suspects? And which medical professionals - who are
honor-bound to obey patients’ treatment wishes and protect their
privacy - are doing this? What about people for whom giving blood
can be life threatening, such as hemophiliacs? What about people
whose religion prohibits the drawing of blood? Do they keep the
blood for future DNA analysis? Scary, very scary.
Are these the Spokane people who - like in Oakland -
will be tear gassed and shot with rubber bullets?
Notably fewer folks at the Occupy Spokane march
today. Still, a couple of hundred angry, loud people marched on Chase Bank
and Bank of America again.
Only now do I understand the chanting (I still think
it's irritating). But, having been in the midst of their highly
belligerent crowd, I see the chanting as one of the few
alternatives they have to breaking windows.
THOUSANDS of indignant Spokanites just marched
through -- and essentially took over -- downtown. Read what I wrote
yesterday, but imagine it with nearly 30 times the people. A bit scary, and very, very exciting!
Here's yesterdays footage. I should have today's
amazing action on line by tomorrow night. Keep saying to yourself,
"This is Spokane?!!"
Just got home from one of the strangest days I've ever experienced in Spokane. I was in a nearly unruly mob, composed of
around 300 Spokane people: restaurant workers, priests and nuns, students, business folk, skateboarders, union reps, politicians,
veterans, cute emo girls, old hippies, homeless people, crazed wackos....you know, Spokane people. Then they
surrounded a bank, shouting that the people running it are criminals. I was expecting them to drag someone out and crucify them, or at least set them on fire, but no, the
indignants had their say, the security guard respectfully held his
ground, and then they all moved on to Wall Street and sat in
the road, hooting and chanting. Extraordinary.
Oh, yeah. And it's happening again, tomorrow, at
noon, no doubt doubly so in all respects. You should go. Look for
me. Say hi. I'll put you in my movie.
I challenge any non-sleepwalker to walk through
downtown Spokane two or three times a day, as I do, and not sniff something
exotic and exciting in the air.
Holy relic from the Dee Farmin Yard Sale.
Boom. Shucka boom.
I saw more people today at the Occupy Spokane site
than were at the first gathering on 10/05. (See my movie
below.) Also, another outpost - a ramshackle recruiting station of
sorts - has appeared on the right side of the downtown end of the
Monroe Street Bridge, on top of the Sherman Alexie spiral
sculpture/poem "The Place where Ghosts of Salmon Jump."
The poem contains the words, "These
white men don't always love their own mothers, so how could they
love this river which gave birth
to a thousand lifetimes of salmon?"
Not sure what any
of this means, folks. It's all new territory for me.
I was just
handed a flyer:
Occupy Spokane -
March for the 99%
Saturday, October 15 - 12:00pm
Meet @ Monroe & Riverside
MARCH FOR PEACE
Friday, October 14 - 4:00pm
Meet @ Riverside & Monroe
We are a
leaderless movement with people of many colors, genders and ideas.
We ALL come from different walks of life. We Are The 99% that will
no longer tolerate the greed and corruption of the 1%.
Good job, Steve. Steve Jobs, dead at 56. I heard
about it on my iPhone.
I film the Occupy Spokane gathering - the local
offshoot of the Occupy Wall Street movement.
Today's Cheap Giggle: Hank Williams
Jr.'s "Are You Ready For Some Football?" riff was dropped
by Monday Night Football after Williams compared Obama to Adolf
Hitler. He later issued a statement saying he hopes he didn't
Prison from released be to ordered. Murder of guilt
not found Knox Amanda.
Jesse just put our film Oxy and Drakkar online. It
was made for the local 50 Hour Film Festival which apparently faded
into obscurity. Anyway, here's our surreal interpretation of a local
I just finished reading Blood Meridian by Cormac
McCarthy and my life will never be the same again. If you've read it
you know what I mean. It's as important a novel as Moby Dick,
Huckleberry Finn, 1984.
I filmed the PETA people today. They were protesting against cruelty to fish in front of a downtown Spokane sushi restaurant
and trying to remain composed while suffering unrelenting sarcasm and ridicule from Spokesman-Review columnist Doug Clark. Good times.
Here's my Summer movies-watched list from Netflix:
But, your flag decal won’t
Into Heaven anymore.
They’re already overcrowded
From your dirty little war
Now Jesus don’t like Killin’
No matter what the reasons for.
And your flag decal won’t get you into
John Prine - a real
Welcome to Spokane, Mr. P
I made a food delivery to a Catholic retreat. Walked in the door. No one there. I call out, open random doors....nothing. I come to a darkened hallway and see the silhouette of a man. "Hello," I say. "Food delivery." Nothing. He doesn't even move. I say again. Still nothing. I walk up and shrug my shoulders as if to say, "What's your problem, dude? What the hell?" And then I realize I'm talking to a life-size statue of Jesus.
I just got back from a major road trip. Details,
photos and videos coming.
I am swamped by a rogue wave as I explore the
beaches of the Olympic Peninsula. The result is a rumble-tumble
transcendental experience. True story.
Fourth of July
What a thing to wake up to on Independence Day - Fox
News Twitter account hacked.
In case you haven't heard - Barak has NOT left the
Yesterday I was talking to James about how I'd like
to take the ferry up to Alaska. He said I should hook up with one of
his pirate-girl, punk rock, boat school friends who could help me
navigate up through the Inland Passage.
CLICK HERE to
watch and vote for our entry in the 50 Hour Film Slam - Oxy
and Drakkar. We were eliminated from the main competition
because of a technical oversight, but we're still in the running for
the popular vote. Power to the
people! Our surreal interpretation of a local rap song is
clearly the funniest and oddest entry.
Official OtherSpokane Prediction:
You can't stop it now. The time is right for Death Metal Country.
Photo's from Jesse James Hennessy's video shoot this
morning - along with his brother, Jordan Hennessy (the aforementioned
Funniest Home Videos winner), and awesome actor Chris Platt, who has
appeared (sometimes reluctantly) in both my and Jesse's movies.
I think it's interesting
that I have little interest
in lowering interest rates.
If Al Qaeda hates us for our freedoms, they must
love the fact that the Patriot Act extension is being shoved down
Bye, Oprah. I'm hip to all the talk about you being
a national treasure and an American original and all. Obviously
you'll be missed. But to be honest, for the past twenty-five years,
I did not see even one of your shows.
I had an anti-rapture like event at the beginning of
my first movie, Retroviral Village, a sci-fi/escape/artsy-fartsy/heady/surreal/comedy
story I made seven (?) years ago on my laptop with public
domain material, a few pilfered images, and a twenty dollar, Wal-Mart
Have you considered that maybe we were all raptured,
and that heaven simply looks exactly like the place we were plucked
Sorry, that was my first rapture joke. Actually, I'm
a bit distressed at how this incident has bumped up the level of
religious bigotry in this country - all because of the bumbling
douche-baggery of one individual. The fact is, most Christians I
know are humble, kind-hearted, hard-working, stimulating to talk to,
and (mostly) rational.
Okay, this is my annual crow eating day, when I have
to admit that the parade was, well, actually kind of fun. And this
only upsets me more. Why is the military - whose leadership has
essentially conducted a successful coup in this country, who is
truly doing horrendous things throughout the world, who is outwardly
working to transform our society into their own goose-stepping image
- why do they have to be a part of it? Let's separate the two: we'll
have OUR parade, with the bands and the cute girls and the community
spirit and the people with goofy hats; and they can have THEIR
parade, with the marching soldiers and the rolling armament and the
brass all propped up on the reviewing stand like Stalin and his posse
of be-medaled butt kissers.
Tonight is Spokane's annual glorification of
militarism - the Torchlight/Armed Forces parade. See you there! I'll
be the one not waving the dollar store flag. Watch OtherSpokane's
special coverage of last year's parade. (I don't understand why
so few people have seen it.)
Still, the parade (and everything else) could be irrelevant
as many believe the rapture and subsequent destruction of
civilization could occur today. If so, maranatha; if not, hasta
Spokane jumps to the lead of the National Paranoia
Parade with the launching of the county sheriff's (read Homeland
Security's) ridiculous "See It, Say It" campaign. The
television spot shows a shadowy individual taking a photo of the county
courthouse then encourages citizens to "report suspicious
behavior." Unbelievable. Sheriff Ozzie Knezovich looks like a
hostage being forced to read a statement. Check it out for yourself.
You can fill
out the form and report the hundred or so potential
terrorists you saw in the park yesterday.
I love Mexico and (most of) its people, but I've never really
understood them: the pointy boot craze began in the city of
Matehuala and is sneaking over the border. It has already been seen in immigrant communities as far
north as Oklahoma.
Gordon Ramsay, the foul-mouthed, fascist chef (is that
redundant?) from Fox's Hell's Kitchen is under fire from animal rights
groups after eating a snake heart while in Vietnam as part of a new
television series. He was warned that he would be able to feel the
heart beating within him for some time after consuming. Prep cooks and
dishwashers worldwide are praying the heart "will take" so
they can update their Christmas lists.
Yesterday we learned that the people who lose our
luggage, sleep in the control towers and fondle our junk will now be
packing serious heat. Spokane Airport police will start carrying
AR-15 assault rifles (pictured to the right) obviously in response
to the horrible increase of terrorist attacks on our humble airport.
So, bring it on you Al Qaeda bitches. Spokane ain't takin' your crap
One of the great events in Northwest history
occurred today when a 400-pound pig escaped from a van in Spokane
Valley and created havoc in a Conoco station parking lot. A
Washington State patrolman showed up and TASERED the porcine
perpetrator! Do you smell bacon? Unaffected, the unruly swine
continued to be a threat to local security, so the officer SHOT
IT! Killed the pig, deader than a dead pig, with his service
revolver. A tow truck had to be called in to load the carcass back
into the van from whence it disembarked. Eventually, the pig's
owner, who came into the city with 400 pounds of livestock, left
with 398 pounds of pork.
John Ashcroft, Former Attorney General under G. W.
Bush, has just been hired as a new ethics chief by the shadowy
mercenaries-for-hire outfit Blackwater, now renamed to something too
stupid to even write down. But, as I understand it, Ashcroft's job
will be like the Harvey Keitel character in Pulp Fiction, Winston
"The Wolf" Wolf, who keeps everything cool and cleans up
the car and gets rid of the body after John Travolta accidentally
shoots that guy in the face.
So they've now retracted the "human shield"
part of the bin Laden story. Remember? Osama supposedly grabbed one of
his wives to protect him. Apparently we're no longer required to
believe that. And now, they're suggesting that we might not have to
believe the part about bin Laden violently resisting. Why don't they
just give us a list of what we're supposed to think so we know when to
wave our flags and when to suck our thumbs.
I just heard that Obama has decided not to release the
photos of the allegedly deceased Osama bin Laden because he believes
the images could inflame Muslim sensitivities. The president is now
responsible for dropping FIVE TIMES THE AMOUNT OF BOMBS AS GEORGE
BUSH (Frontline 5/3), and acts like he's just getting warmed up.
I wonder if having their wives and children torn up by shrapnel upsets
them at all.
Bin Laden bin tokin'? Cultivated marijuana plants have
been found just outside of bin Laden's compound. Some have speculated
that he may have been bong-hitting the pain away from his liver
troubles. (We're still supposed to believe that, right? Remember, they
told us years ago that he was dying of a liver disease?) Anyway, the
opportunities this will provide for anti-drug commercials and for
perpetuating the so-called drug war is mind boggling.
Does anyone else notice the similarities between the
past 48 hours and the 48 hours following 9/11? Everyone was waving
flags, everyone chanting "USA! USA!" The media was
postulating how some "Great Change" has come upon us.
Opposing political parties who a few days ago hated each other are
suddenly sprinkling praises on each other like priests with holy
water. And I suddenly realize that I'm about to puke. Can anyone tell me what
the hell is going on?
You know, if you wave those
flags hard enough you'll blow away the smell of the big, festering,
dead rat in the middle of this whole bin Laden story.
It was nice of the
military to dispose of bin Laden's body - in respect of Islamic
tradition, they say. So maybe now they can get back to dropping
mega-tons of bombs on Muslims.
Unfortunately, the legacy
of bin Laden paranoia will remain with us for decades to come: the
Department of Homeland Security, the TSA, the PATRIOT Act,
warrantless wiretaps, the 'state secrets' doctrine, and myriad
violations of American civil rights.
Large quantities of
marijuana are currently (12:15 pm) being smoked in front of the
Federal Building in downtown Spokane, where there is a fairly large
protest against the Feds who closed down the medical marijuana
dispensaries a few days ago. And I have to say, dear readers, that
the aroma of pot and blooming flowers wafting through the streets of
Spokane is one of the most pleasing smells I've encountered in this
Caution: More bullshit on
the way - U.S. official says new Osama bin Laden tape, recorded
shortly before his death, is expected to surface soon.
Multiple sources reporting Osama bin Laden has been
killed. Military claims to have body with DNA identification.
President to address nation.
I've been catching some flack about the
Kate's-big-butt comment. But, it's like Prince Harry says,
"The bigger the royal cushion..."
Remember: A few altered traffic cones and tens of
thousands of Bloomsday runners will tumble into the river like
I wrote to Arp Xigar:
Your gold and silver is cankered; and the rust of
them shall be a witness against you, and shall eat your flesh as it
were fire. Ye have heaped treasure together for the final days.
Believers, there are many monks and rabbis who in
falsehood devour the wealth of mankind and hinder [men] from the way
of Allah. And there are those who bury gold and silver and spread it
not in Allah's Cause. (Mohammad) announce unto them tidings of a
painful torture. On the Day [of Doom] heat will be produced out of
that (wealth) in the Fire of Hell. It will be branded on their
foreheads, their flanks, and their backs. "This is the
(treasure) you have hoarded for yourselves: now taste it!"
Spend a day in my world. I dare you.
I thought Kate's dress made her butt look too big.
Hey, all of you DEA agents who just busted into
legal medical marijuana dispensaries throughout Spokane this
afternoon. How does it feel to be thought of as traitors? _____
I predict tonight the
earth will shake and crack and open and swallow up William and Kate,
the Queen, Harry and Charles, all those creepy old guys in sailor
suits, the cake makers and dress designers and security
coordinators, the media and all the idiots camped outside of
Westminster Abbey, and Westminster Abbey, and everything to do with
monarchism and this embarrassing moment in human history.
We now know that Obama wasn't born in a mud hut in
some monkey-chattering jungle; but I predict the president will
regret putting an end to this non-issue. What will we talk about
now: that he promised to shut down Guantanamo but has not? that he
extended the life of the civil rights-denying Patriot Act? that he
said all troops would be out of Iraq by now and are not? that he
promised to end raids on medical marijuana providers and has only
increased them? that he promised to end warrantless wiretaps but has
not? Etc. Etc.
Robert Watson, Republican state legislator from Rhode
Island, known for his anti-drug, anti-gay, anti-immigration statements
was just charged with driving under the influence of marijuana and
possession of marijuana and drug paraphernalia. Was he going to
meet his Mexican boyfriend?
Posse Comitatus, Posse Comi-schmatus. In blatant
disregard of American law and tradition, Columbus, Georgia, will allow
military patrols of the downtown area this Friday. Responding to the
belligerent actions of a few drunken soldiers from Fort Benning, the
authorities have responded by sending in more soldiers. But no
worries, they'll be wearing armbands that read: Courtesy Patrol.
I'm trying to think of how our collective behavior
could possibly be more pathetic and shameful about the royal
wedding. Maybe if we outright beg them to take us back as subjects,
maybe that could be the boot that finally crushes what's left of our
Think about it. There are very few subtle testicle
Why is it when journalists report on
"baseball-sized hail" that had fallen in some gawd-forsaken
place it's not actually baseball sized? I just saw a story where a
reporter actually put a baseball next to the
"baseball-sized" hailstones and the stones were clearly
three-quarters the size of the ball.
Weather Report: Not this.
Okay, there'd probably still be junk mail...
A government shutdown was averted last night at the
last minute. Accuse me of lapsing into optimism but I like to think of
the good things that could have happened if the Monster died:
The world would have enjoyed a bit more peace
as we withdrew troops from Iraq, Afghanistan and Libya.
No more War on Drugs, which means a crippled
black market, and fewer friends shipped off to prison for stupid
The schools would stop cranking out
No more junk mail.
In the last ten years, government spending
has jumped from $1.8 trillion to $3.8 trillion. The agreement reached
by congress last night will save $38 billion, also know in DC as
ABC News just had a story that concluded "The
more we shop, the longer we live." Can't we consider a national
corporate news shutdown?
A staggeringly beautiful day in downtown Spokane.
Sunny. Bright. You could even say it was warm. I'm almost sure I
heard people laughing. Skin sightings were reported - not just ruddy
cheeks peeking out from wool scarves - there were arms, legs,
midriffs, actual human flesh. Someone held a door open for me and
didn't try to pick my pocket. A small group in blue t-shirts
released balloons, applauded, and the applause didn't sound like
gunfire. An attractive woman smiled at me somewhat lasciviously. I
actually helped an old lady cross the street. No shit. Let's hope
this all wasn't a fluke.
We had to take our 50 Hour Slam film off line; some
dumb rule we never read. But, the top 15 picked will be shown at the
Magic Lantern theater. And if there is Divine Justice you can watch it
there. Or at least we'll put it back on line. Oxy and Drakkar
is the most incoherent and favorite of my and Jesse's collaborations.
(Yes I do say that every time.)
Here's Jesse's and my entry for the 50 Hour Slam,
the new local film competition. We had 50 hrs to write, shoot, and
edit a film that incorporates the theme of the song "Apples and
Oranges," by C-Flow, a local hip hop group, along with a few
other rules. The result is epic weirdness.
Freaky film footnote: Jesse's brother, Jordan, just
won the $10,000 first place prize on last night's America Funniest
Home Video for waxing a friend's chest and filming with a twenty
dollar camera while the once-hairy dude screams. He's now eligible
for the $100,000 prize. Only in America...
amounts of radiation were found in Spokane milk samples, the FDA
reported yesterday. Monitors detected 0.8 pCi/L of iodine-131, which
the FDA says is more than 5,000 times lower than the Derived
Intervention Level. This level does not define a safe or unsafe
level of exposure, but instead a level at which protective measures
would be recommended to ensure that no one receives a significant
Feel better? No, me neither.
Michael Moore just tweeted that a 25 mile evacuation
zone should be established around Obama's Nobel Peace Prize.
Since winning the Nobel Peace Prize, President Obama
has ordered bombing strikes in six different countries, now adding
Libya to Afghanistan, Iraq, Pakistan, Somalia, and Yemen.
"The President does not have power under the
Constitution to unilaterally authorize a military attack in a
situation that does not involve stopping an actual or imminent threat
to the nation."
- Senator Obama criticizing the Bush
Look how we've progressed in a quarter century.
Cover stories from Time Magazine 25 years
ago: Getting Gaddafi, War in the Middle East, the Nuclear
Go humanity! Rah! Rah!
That's right, I called it (scroll down to 3/2): the
war pigs get yet another place to blow stuff up. And I hope we don't fall for
this "imposing a no fly zone" crap. The fact is, we're bombing
More people will die so that rich, soulless criminals and traitors can get
even richer and commit even worst atrocities.
Oh, but it's for the Libyan people, they
tell us, it's a
humanitarian action. Evidently they've suddenly grown a conscience -
after just slaughtering HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS of mostly innocent people in Iraq
thinking of the children.
Whoa. I just watched NBC Nightly News and threw up
just a little bit in my mouth. Apparently I'm wrong about the whole
cynical war pig thing. Apparently many Arab countries actually like
us bombing now. It could eventually even be thought of as the
And then pigs suddenly flew out our butts. Oink.
I'd say, "Beware the Ides of March," but
with looming radiation contamination, the looting of our future by a
handful of wealthy criminals, worldwide political unrest and planetary
upheavals of biblical proportions, I think you're probably already
there with me.
No Fly Zone: another way of saying Undeclared War.
An arrest has been made in the Great MLK Bombing
Attempt in downtown Spokane and the entire community has
descended into a cattle-like mentality: we're all ready to hang the
son-of-a-bitch yet not one shred of evidence has been presented.
Maybe it's my Adonis DNA or the tiger blood in me, but
I am totally against the national, self-righteous condemnation of
Charlie Sheen. The same people who praise William S. Burroughs, Edgar
Allen Poe, Keith Richards, etc., etc., etc., from one side of their
mouths ridicule Sheen from the other. I think some of Sheen's drug-induced
babbling is pure surrealist poetry.
Arnie Carruthers, one of the luminaries of the Spokane
jazz scene, died yesterday at 81. I saw him open for Timothy Leary
at The Big Dipper in the early 90s. An amazing, unforgettable night.
Even Leary, who had hung with the some of the greatest musicians on
the planet, was awestruck by the talents of the one-armed Carruthers.
A "foot" note: I asked Carruthers to sign
a copy of The Scene magazine; which he did gladly. I asked Timothy
Leary to sign my boot. (It was clean. And I provided my own pen.)
Still, after considerable confusion, he declined.
I just watched Charlie Sheen's live show, Sheen's
Korner, on Ustream.tv. And I have to say, it was boring and
fascinating and creepy, all at once. It was this strange
juxtaposition that gave the show its surrealistic appeal. Still,
please, God, let me have something better to do next time it's on.
But if not, let my internet connection be strong. (And let's see
some better shots of his porn star girl friend.)
This is why any governmental regulation of the
internet must be avoided:
Because it can all be shut down with the click of a
switch. Yesterday, internet use flatlined in Libya, where most
communications run through the government-controlled Libya Telecom
I'm sorry Banksy didn't win the Oscar for Best
Documentary for the fabulous "Exit Through the Gift Shop."
But not because it was the best film. (It was the only nominee I
saw.) I'm sorry because an anarchist criminal of his caliber must
have had something wonderful planned. What's your guess? Mine is
that he would have spray painted Oscar black and left him on the
podium. Or maybe he would have sent out a starving Ethiopian child
to accept the award.
Can't you just smell the bloodlust oozing from the
warmongers' cold hearts right now? This Libya thing has them as hard
as Mengele with a new scalpel. And they'll get what they want:
another big Arab sandbox where they can play with their new toys.
The Supreme Court ruled today that the Westboro
Baptist Church, who picketed the funerals of U.S. troops with signs
reading, "Thank God for Dead Soldiers," cannot be sued.
This is hard to swallow as it seems to immediately benefit horrible,
offensive, disgusting people. Still, sometimes the truth tastes like
shit, and the truth is is that this is a victory for free speech and
liberty. Just plug your nose and gulp.
This morning, on the Kathie Lee and Hoda part of NBC's
Today Show, the duo was expressing concern and indignation about
Charlie Sheen's bizarre interview earlier in the show. What a terrible
influence his drinking and drugging must be having on the children,
they bemoaned - AS THEY WERE HAVING A DRINK!
With all the who-wore-what Oscar fashion talk, the
hits and misses, etc., only men realize that the question all comes
down to whose bones you'd most like to jump. And here the Oscar goes
to Scarlett Johansson.
Am I the only one who's fed up with all this crap
about Prince William and Kate Middleton? Why are Americans infatuated
with these pampered, inbred parasites and their archaic system? Didn't
we recently have to kill a bunch of these people because of a Host
Yeah, yeah, I know Kate M. isn't
"technically" royal. But she shares the guilt as she's
willingly offered herself up to be molded into the royal's Controllable
I'm baaaack. Yes, I've been away for awhile because
of illness, shock and disillusionment. (No, not just from watching
the news.) Here's the deal: NATURE TRIED TO KILL ME! I'm trying to
do a digital short about what happened to me on the shores of the
Olympic Peninsula. Stay tuned.
Remember one name tonight at the Academy Awards:
Banksy! For the first time (I think), a notorious criminal, bona
fide anarchist and fugitive from the law is up for an Oscar. Exit
Through the Gift Shop, directed by Banksy himself, is nominated
for Best Documentary. Internationally known graffiti/stencil artist extraordinaire,
the infamous Banksy has never revealed his identity. If he wins,
will he accept the award? Check out his
amazing graffiti here.
The Contender challenges Tough Guy Champ
ultimate game of Five Finger
Fillet - a film. Jesse as Tough Guy; me as The Contender.
The truth behind America's complacency in the
Here's one way to beat Death: Instead on knocking at
Death's door, put some dog poop in a paper bag, light it on fire, and
set it on the door step. Then ring Death's doorbell. Death will come
out, see the flames and try to stomp it out - thus getting poop all
over his shoes. You'll be in the bushes, laughing like crazy, and
being very much still alive. Trust me, it works every time.
Spokane exerted its right to be as paranoid and
pathetic as the rest of the country, yesterday, when someone reported
a potentially dangerous coffee cup - that's right, a COFFEE CUP - to
the Spokane bomb squad.
This follows the report, Wednesday, of a suspicious
suitcase filled with suspicious women's clothing.
All of this madness, of course, is related to the
discovery of an actual bomb along Monday's Martin Luther King parade
KHQ news quoted an "anonymous official" who
said that "They haven't seen anything like this in this country.
This was the worst device, and most intentional device, I've ever
Really? Worse and more intentional than Oklahoma City?
National news outlets were fond of calling the device
Well, sophisticated for a pipe bomb, the very
definition of which is "not sophisticated." Sophisticated
enough to where it didn't go off. So sophisticated that the would-be
bombers didn't even bother to hide the wires.
This device was meant to frighten, not explode. We
have collectively let the "terrorists" win. (I can't
believe I just wrote that.)
We know now that there are no more "devices"
up our asses. Maybe we should pull our heads out and go back to work.
If you like horror, here's an amazing film: The
Last Exorcism - the ending(s) are inspired.
One of my first memories was watching John F.
Kennedy's inauguration speech, 50 years ago today. I was five and a
half years old. I knew it was something important because of the
effect it had on all the big people.
Earlier this afternoon, I was at a downtown coffee
shop. A young couple was watching the speech on a big screen TV. And
while I'd love to tell you that their five or six year old kid was
staring at his awestruck parents, then up to the magic man in the
television, thus carrying the flame to another generation, if fact,
the kid was playing a handheld video game.
The real horror of all this though, is that I'm so
old I can remember when people still wore top hats.
This is how Austin, Texas, radio talk show host Alex
Jones started his show yesterday:
"There is no doubt, I was already sure of it
last week, but this morning it is 100 percent confirmed, the, ah,
federal government, via Homeland Security, is staging false flag,
false start, false identification of pipe bombs all over the United
States right now, and this is a psy-op to create an atmosphere of
total fear. And it doesn't matter if we talk about San Francisco, or
New York City today, all over the country - Spokane, Washington, you
name it - the Feds are coming in through the Threat Fusion Centers
and openly announcing that they're federalizing the cities in the
name of anti-terror..."
All considered, I'm back to hoping that it was merely
Sadly, Spokane joins the real world.
I liked it better when we were a backwater, cow town.
More dead birds! Five hundred more red-winged
blackbird were found dead today in Louisiana, just a few hundred miles
south of the spectacular 5000 de-birding in Arkansas. Why doesn't
stuff like that happen in Spokane? A mass marmot-kill would be
awesome, or an abrupt South Hill poodle extinction, or if the
prodigious poop producing geese in Riverfront Park all suddenly
Did you hear what's going on in Arkansas? First, 5000
birds mysteriously fall dead from the sky. Later, 100,000 fish wash
up on the shore of the Arkansas River. Maybe if you're in Arkansas you
should avoid crowds.