ArpXigar's
moo

 

The Month's
Off
ering

Hubble's Top Contributions to Astronomy

Made the deepest-ever visible look into the universe revealing thousands of galaxies, allowing astronomers to trace the universe's evolution.

Contributed important new evidence supporting the fact that the universe made most of its stars long ago (when the universe was 1/10 its present age), and that the vast majority of stars are only 1/5th the mass of our Sun.

Provided the first definitive evidence quasars (extraordinarily energetic objects) are the bright active cores of galaxies, and that the host galaxies are remarkably varied, from normal-looking to colliding.

Found massive black holes are common throughout the universe and dwell in the cores of most, if not all, galaxies.

Showed that gas shells surrounding dying stars are remarkably complex.

Traced the buildup of the heavier elements via star formation in the early universe. Such elements are a prerequisite for planets, and life in the cosmos.

Showed stellar jets emanating from the centers of dust disks around young stars. Hubble's detection of dust disks in the Orion Nebula suggests that planetary system formation may be common in the Milky Way galaxy.

Offered a detailed look at a once-in-a-millennium collision between Jupiter and a string of comet fragments (Comet Shoemaker-Levy 9).

Provided enough visual detail to make the first surface map of the planet Pluto.

Served as an interplanetary "weather satellite" for following the turbulent atmospheres of the major planets, and dust storms and other changes on Mars -- important information for future robotic and human explorers to the Red Planet.

Found oxygen atmospheres on the moons Europa and Ganymede.

Billions of years...
Billions of galaxies...
Billions upon billions of SUNS...
Leading to trillions upon trillions of planets...

And you worry about obesity...innocence...taxes... good...evil...death...life...your prostrate...your next orgasm...pms:

Just enjoy the ride--the rest of it is backdrop scenery for the bigger show.

And you don't have a ticket for that...

*

"Life is a pleasure"
It is only when we need "why" to explain that which "IS" Then we no longer enjoy just for the experience but feel unfulfilled for want of an explanation where none exist within the scope of understanding.

*

-- A --
I have a shiny penny in my wallet. It was printed in the year of my birth. After I die the penny will still go on. Someday, a little brat will use it to glue wheels on his school project.
-- Plus B --
In winter, when you can see your breath, I breathe out my nose and one nostril steam goes in the proper direction -- but the other plume goes sideways! DAMN! No matter how hard I blow through my nose the steam goes to the right, not straight out and down like my other nostril.
-- Equals C --
I hate hypocrisy. I hate irony.

*

Witty-witty, bang-bang....
"Get to know me"
A round of egos for everyone.

Make mine a double

*

Cartoon girls I wanna nail

Life has hit the "pause" button.
Listen to some good classical music.
Beethoven's Ninth: 4th movement, for sure...

It's a toe tapper!

*

Do you play lotto? You do!?
FOOLS! IDIOT! SIMPLETONS!

Okay, here's a quick lesson in "ODDS OF WINNING": Imagine (if you can) a gun with 7million chambers for bullets (same as the chance of winning lotto odds) Now put 6,999,999 bullets into the gun. Leave one chamber empty. Now put the gun to your head and pull the trigger. Did you pull the trigger? If you did, do you see yourself standing there smiling because you got the empty chamber? You're a winner! Or do you see a blood spattered rendition of Picasso on the wall? Loser! Of course some of you will imagine getting a dud bullet--those are the lower odds in winning items. And if you didn't pull the trigger, then why the hell are you playing lotto?

MAKE THE CONNECTION!

"Verdi non es"
In no way do I endorse putting a bullet to your head. Killing yourself should only be under the providence of entropy, unless you really are an idiot, in which case you should be unable to understand the process of pulling the trigger and in any case you would miss. Remember, there is no such thing as a seven million chambered gun. Try buying war bonds instead; they're always a good deal.

COWS ARE EVIL!

*

Omnipotency:
"God is All Knowing"
"God is All Powerful"
"God is Absolute"

Okay, fine...

Knowledge is Power
Power Corrupts
Absolute Power Corrupts Absolutely!

MAKE THE CONNECTION!!!
(Do I need to draw a diagram?)


Know the enemy!
Facts About Cows.


The Ballad of Arp

It is late - hours past The Scene magazine's deadline. Red-eyed editor Stik Mann is shocked to find a large block of white space. He sets me in front of a computer, places his hand on my shoulder and says to me in a fatherly voice, "Arp, it's times like these when greatness is born. You have ten minutes. Fill this space." This is what started the madness. This is what I wrote. Later, Stik Mann said the piece is "a masterpiece of modern surrealist literature."


Posse

Posse was a series of articles in The Scene chronicling the adventures of Oz, Gunner and Arp. Oz was based on Stik Mann (who wrote the pieces), Gunner on Mr. Nesbitt, and Arp on me. In some stories, such as "Arp Meets God," I played a prominent role.


February Offering

"The cow says, Moo."
(Alien propaganda still being implanted in the toys of our children.)

*

Okay, so now comes the real Y2K bug that will devastate America: The Presidential Election. Come on, if you hear the words "lower taxes" from any of these guys remember >>THEY CANNOT<< lower taxes. Only an act from congress can lower taxes. And these guys running for the oval office know that! They are lying to you!

MAKE THE CONNECTION!

Think----have you ever lied (even a little bit) to get past the job interview? Of course you have. {and after you get the job do giggle just bit because you put one past the boss?}

Do you really think that we could screw up the Hubble telescope…miscalculate the trajectory of a mars probe…crash land a mars lander after SPENDING hundreds of millions of dollars on R&A…and don't forget the space shuttle disaster….that would mean all those scientists were idiots and you trust them... Hmmm.

MAKE THE CONNECTION!

We are being invaded by aliens…sure, they look like cows, milk like cows, and even moo like cows; BUT THEY ARE PURE EVIL!

Did you know that the planet Jupiter has methane in its atmosphere? Scientists (like the ones you trusted for space research) state the only way methane can be produced is by BIOLOGICAL means… Hmmm.

And in Japan (and other places) there are attempts to lower down the production of methane in farm animals (cows) because research has show it can cause global warming… Hmmm.

Evidence
www.madcow.com
www.badcow.com
www.evilcow.com
www.devilcow.com

*

Now for a little research for all of those people who have let their brain atrophy: (Your brain is a muscle just like your abdominal wall--you're probably getting a gut too.) Can anyone translate Latin? I am looking for a Latin form of the phrase:

YOU HAVE BEEN LIED TO….
YOU ARE BEING LIED TO…
YOU WILL BE LIED TO…
Or try
THEY HAVE LIED TO YOU…
THEY ARE LYING TO YOU…
THEY WILL LIE TO YOU…

Actually by now you should have the gist of the Latin phrase I am looking for so email your translation with accurate English comparison to arpxigar@otherspokane.com.

*

If I were on "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?" I'd use Ben Stein as my phone call lifeline.

*

I dreamed about me and Stik Mann last night (nothin' sexual either). We could fly and we were watching a play at the MET by a group of lesbians/sisters of the world. Nice people. We also went to the field behind Spokane to see the camels in the pond. You liked the way we floated above the audience to watch the play and then helped on the script. I kept waking up and having to go back to the dream to see what would happen next---it was cool...


Jan

HEY, hey, hey...

I've always known that I was being watched...

This changes nothing...

I am just a butterfly on a pin.

Flap, flap.

*

Cartoon titillation


The OTHER Spokane | Epiphany

Arp Xigar's MALEVOLENT BOVINE and all contents
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