Greetings, faithful readers, and welcome to this very special edition of Stik Mann's OtherSpokane.

In this -- the twentieth issue of this humble journal -- I give you the Heroes of the Gnu Revolution: An unseemly collection of brave individuals who refused to keep their mouths shut, who refused to apologize for not keeping their mouths shut, and/or refused to be a blind participant in the nationalistic Follow The Leader fervor currently rolling over this nation like a creeping meatball.

Strangely, this first installment is composed of folks who, just a few months ago, I would not have thought twice about superimposing on them the head of an aardvark, or printing their words as yet another example of political bumblefunkery.

What a difference a war makes.

So, with no further ado...

Entry Number One: Congressman Bob Barr
That's right. Barr. A Republican! And a Georgia conservative at that. I remember Barr as the "grand inquisitor" of Clinton's scandalous White House party years. I even once thought Barr was a bit of a racist. Nevertheless, it was Barr who first stood up and shouted, "Hey, hold 'er right there, cowboy," when Bush was trying to declare himself Big Brother. Barr joined with an unlikely crew from both the Right and Left, declaring Bush's anti-terrorist bill as unnecessary and potentially dangerous changes in American law.

Number Two: Evangelist Franklin Graham
You know -- Billy's boy. While being spiffied up to take over Pop's fold, Franklin tossed a wrench in the gears of Bush's wacko-Arab-leader Super Snuggle-A-Thon by calling the Muslim faith an "evil religion" which calls for all in Mohammad's hands to smite the infidels. Well, I don't know if he's right about this or not (searchable e-Korans revealed no Mohammedan malevolence any worse than God telling the Israelites to go kick some Baal-worshiping butt). Still, the Frankster didn't bend -- even after considerable political thumb screwing.

Number Three: That Cop from Oregon
Attorney General John Ashcroft wakes up the chief and tells him to go round up all the brown guys with funny sounding names. Sheriff says, "Nope. Against the law," then goes back to his copy of Popular Mechanics.

Number Four: Senator Maria Cantwell
She could have sat back and giggled with everyone else at Ashcroft's stupid jokes when he appeared before the Judiciary Committee grumbling about naysayers. But she didn't -- and she made it clear that "not all Americans are laughing." (And, as an added bonus -- as any middle-aged chauvinist will agree -- Maria's a hottie.)
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"Rise up and abandon the Creeping Meatball!"
-- Jerry Rubin
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Quick Quiz
Who said the following quote:

"To those who scare peace-loving people with phantoms of lost liberty, my message is this: Your tactics only aid terrorists, for they erode our national unity and diminish our resolve. They give ammunition to [our] enemies, and pause to [our] friends."

A. Attorney General John Ashcroft
B. Nazi Propagandist Joseph Goebbels
C. Genghis Kahn's food taster
D. Pluto (the dog, not the planet)

(A) is correct. (B) is close. Goebbels said many similar things, but not that specific quote. (C) is for mild comical relief after the horrible reality of (A) and (B) sets in. (D) is designed to weed out the dangerously stupid.
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Bonus Points
Did you read the Stik Mann interview in The Local Planet? If not, you can read it here. If it's not there anymore, then here.

Whatever happened to 'Kinder and Gentler"?

Even Killers Can Be Funny
"It is unfortunate that the cluster bombs are the same color as the food packets. You can't win them all. Fortunately we will be dropping leaflets, to explain the problem. Finally, we'll have a foolproof means to determine literacy rates in a primitive country."
-- Gen. Richard B. Meyers, Department of Defense News Briefing, 11/1/01
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"How September Ten."
My prediction of the new hip phrase; to be used when countering an argument from somebody who hasn't religiously been chanting their New World Mantra -- "Everything's changed. It's a new world. Nothing will ever be the same."

See, Ain't Just the Liberals Barkin'
In his regular New York Times column, William Safire tears into Bush's new executive order allowing non-citizens suspected of terrorist activities to be tried in military courts: "[A] president of the United States has just assumed what amounts to dictatorial power to jail or execute aliens... [W]e are letting George W. Bush get away with the replacement of the American rule of law with military kangaroo courts."

(And no, you didn't see this one reprinted in the Spokesman-Review.)
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Can't Help It, Still Think It's Funny...
A few days ago, I saw two guys come out of the porn shop on Second Ave. and get into a pickup with a United We Stand stick on the window.
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"Voice or no voice, the people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is to tell them they are being attacked, and denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger."
-- Hermann Goering
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Yes, I See Bin Laden in a Cave, But...
According to The Sunday Times (UK), the CIA reactivated its "remote viewing" program, which was abandoned as useless in 1995 after 20 years. During the cold war, the viewers were asked to find Soviet subs. They could see them in the water, but couldn't tell which ocean.
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Run This Idea Up the Flag Pole
Planned Parenthood of Virginia is selling "red, white and blue" condoms to raise money for victims of the 9-11 attack. A spokesman for the organization said, "Offering patriotic condoms will...let Americans display their colors proudly."
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Out-of-Context Diversion
The Vatican appointed Saint Titus Brandsma and Saint Isidore of Seville as the internet's patron saints.

Economic Stimulus
If you don't go 
to McDonald's 
right now 
and buy a Happy Meal...

...the terrorists will have won.
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At Least One Promise Kept
A book published in France a few weeks ago says Bush offered the Taliban political recognition and truckloads of cash if the regime would agree to support US plans for oil and gas pipelines through Afghanistan. Bush ordered the FBI to back off its investigations of the Taliban terrorist link, causing the FBI deputy director John O'Neill to resign in protest. The regime refused the offer, prompting a US rep to say, "either you accept our offer of a capet of gold, or we bury you under a carpet of bombs."
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Today 35,600 children died from conditions of starvation, according to the United Nations Food & Agriculture Organization. 
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Let's Hope Polls Do Lie
I read a Christian Science Monitor/TIPP poll that indicates a third of Americans believe the government should be allowed to torture terror suspects. A few days later, I came across Time to Think About Torture from MSNBC. 

The next night I dreamed that two officers of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police had restrained me and were contemplating burning off my feet in a bonfire. I can offer no interpretation
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"The only thing they are accomplishing right now is creating a nation full of paranoid schizophrenic agoraphobics."
-- Rep. Gary Ackerman (D-New York) on the Bush administration issuing general and ongoing "high alerts" to U.S. citizens.
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Hidden History? Just Say No
The Presidential Records Act of 1978 called for release of most records 12 years after a president has left office. Bush has issued an executive order that allows a sitting president to block the release of records of a former president, no doubt intended to bury past "dirty tricks" employed by the U.S. The Reagan Administration issued a virtually identical order, but it was rejected by the courts. Let's hope the same happens again.
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"Like some tacky little pamphlet in your Daddy's bottom drawer."
-- Frank Zappa
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The Oiliest of Administrations
We all know the Bush family is up to their armpits in oil, and that Vice President Dick Cheney was chief of an oil services firm until just before the election. But the connections go farther, extending to dozens of other administration members: National Security Adviser Condoleezza Rice was on the board of Chevron (and even got a tanker named after her); Commerce Secretary Donald Evans was the CEO of the natural gas firm Tom Brown Inc. And the list goes on. 

Don't go investing in that solar power company just yet.
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"In the end they will lay their freedom at our feet and say to us, 'Make us your slaves, but feed us."
Dostoyevsky's Grand Inquisitor
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Cheap Shots
Beretta is selling the "United We Stand" pistol. 

Ithaca Gun is selling a "Homeland Security" model rifle. Here's their pitch: "In our current time of national need Ithaca Gun is ready to meet the challenge. In every respect, these new Homeland Security Model shotguns are up to the demanding tasks which lay before us as a nation."

Tromix is publicizing a soon-to-be-released 50 caliber rifle nicknamed the "Turban Chaser".
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Jus' Sayin'...
Among Halliburton Co. press releases was one dated Sept. 10, which read: "Halliburton Unit Picked to Participate in Program to Reduce Threat of Weapons of Mass Destruction." Halliburton is the world's largest oil services corporation. Vice-President Dick Cheney was formerly Halliburton's CEO.

"With regard to freedom of expression there are basically two positions: you defend it vigorously for views you hate, or you reject it in favor of Stalinist/Fascist standards."
-- Noam Chomsky

They're Baaaaack
Germany said it would commit 3,900 troops to the US war on terrorism, opening the way for the nation's widest-ranging military engagement since World War II. 

Just wondering, is "fear of Germany" an official phobia?
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"Timid men prefer the calm of despotism to the boisterous sea of liberty."
-- Thomas Jefferson
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What the....?
"It's the Rumsfeld transformation."
-- Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld, pointing to a photo of Special Forces on horseback in Afghanistan..
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Do People Have the Right to Conceal Stupidity?
The Supreme Court just heard arguments in a case involving the right of a student to keep his lousy test scores private. 

Will we soon see a class-action lawsuit to suppress the results of a national survey from the California Academy of Sciences? It revealed, for example, that more than half of all American adults do not know that the Earth goes around the Sun once a year.
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How would you pronounce the name of that island near Thailand spelled P-h-u-k-e-t?
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"History teaches that grave threats to liberty often come in times of urgency, when constitutional rights seem too extravagant to endure."
-- Justice Thurgood Marshall