and a Hard Place
issue of Stik Mann's OtherSpokane.
This a special
issue, I say,
because your most humble e-editor hath experienced a revelation of near-Biblical
magnitude. (Also included in this e-epistle is a special bonus mini-revelation
of pulp paperback proportions.)
Prepare to confront, my friends, the horrible reality of who will be facing who
will be facing Bush in the upcoming election, now just a year
First, some history: It was in the year of our Lord,
Nineteen Hundred and Sixty-Eight. President Lyndon Baines Johnson was up to his
appendix scar in a horrible, distant war that was threatening to tear our
country apart -- and all this while facing re-election. The Kennedy
kid didn't help things either, chewing on the presidential ankle every time
Johnson stopped to pee.
Robert Kennedy wasn't sure he could beat Johnson and he swore
wouldn't run. But when Johnson tripped over some flowers that fell out of Eugene
McCarthy's hair, Kennedy jumped to the front of the line and Johnson peed in
peace forever after.
Kennedy held the New York Senate seat currently held by .
. . gulp . . .Hillary Clinton.
Back to the future: As we near the primaries, Bush will
out-poll any of the nine political
munchkins who currently oppose him, despite the fact that his popularity polls will continue to
sink. When the pop poll hits a certain degree in the neg zone, lights will flash and
sirens will shriek
through the hallways of Clinton Place.
Hillary steps to the front of the line.
But wait, there's more -- picture this: Bush on the far
right. Hill on the far left. Hey, who's that driving his Humvee through all that
space in the middle?
Why it's General Wesley Clarke, waving a new third party
Two Words: Guvana Ahnald
Yet Another Sign of the Coming
Toys has just put out the latest issue in its Elite Force series of
authentic military 12- inch figures, President George W. Bush in naval aviator
flight uniform. Exacting in detail and fully equipped with authentic gear, this
limited-edition action figure is a meticulous 1:6 scale recreation of the
Commander-in-Chief's farcical flyboy routine
on the USS
Just like Bush's actual military service,
once you buy this toy it strangely disappears in the toy box and is never seen
I sent the above HunkaBush link to dewD, long-time friend and OtherSpokane
contributor. He promptly wrote back:
Next up is the 'Dubya
WTC Action Set' --
complete with action demolition and swinging
planes. Then there will be the
'Iraq Invasion Force' set and
'Find Saddam' books that are like
'Where's Waldo.' And
'Iraqi Trivial Pursuit'
-- where we have to come up with casualty stats and names of battles
won by Americans -- the game will need continual updating. Then there
will be the anti gay marriage board game where you win
by becoming Ashcroft at the end . .
Stik, it all makes me want
to dance in the forest more often.
Fruits of the Tree of
Thanks to Chef Dave for pointing out yet another example of the deceptiveness
and staggering arrogance of this administration. The Justice Department recently
put up a website www.lifeandliberty.com
which purports to demystify the Patriot Act. It begins with one of the most
important declarations ever to be uttered by mortals:
"WE hold these Truths to be self-evident, that all Men
are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain
unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of
Happiness -- That to secure these Rights, Governments are instituted..."
But notice how the quote is not finished. Notice where and
what they chose to edit:
...among Men, deriving their just Powers from the Consent of the Governed,
that whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these Ends, it is
the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it...
From the Same Author!
"But when a long Train of Abuses and Usurpations, pursuing invariably the same
Object, evinces a Design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their
Right, it is their Duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards
for their future Security."
In Defense of the "F" Word
According to a Google, variations of the "F" word is
the most popular search, garnering approximately 50 million hits.
Baseball, the next most popular word, turned up about 14 million hits.
Click here to
read a motion filed by a Colorado public defender representing a student who
swore at a school administrator. Another
good freakin' page here.
"One of the penalties for refusing to participate in politics
that you end up being governed by your inferiors."
I've been dipping my toes in
The Newton Project; but,
there's something I can't reconcile.
Sir Isaac Newton: He invented mathematical physics and
calculus. He put his finger on the nature of gravity and light. Physicist
Hermann Bondi said Newton's calculations "entered the marrow of what we know
without knowing how we know it."
Yet, these great accomplishments were but a few pods in
the great man's gray matter pea patch. Learned folks who know of such things
claim that Newton not only possessed one of the greatest scientific brains to
ever top a noggin, he was also the foremost alchemist and one of the leading
biblical scholars of 18th century Europe.
And all this despite some really bad
How is it that he who peeked up Mother Nature's skirt
could also write, "the world
natural is represented by the Temple of Jerusalem & the parts of this world by
the analogous parts of the Temple: as heaven by the house of the Temple; the
highest heaven by the most holy the Sun by the bright flame of the fire of the
Altar the Moon by the burning coals upon the Altar the stars by the Lamps."
Coincidence? I Don't Think So
Earlier this month, Bush had a prostate exam. Shortly after, he came out against
"The hottest places in Hell are reserved for those
neutral in time of great moral crisis."
The Secret Service recently
investigated Michael Ramirez, a Los Angeles Times editorial cartoonist.
The award-winning cartoonist upset the Secret Service
with the drawing to the right. The
SS interpreted the image as a "snuff" cartoon and
toyed with the idea that Ramirez was a threat to the president.
The "Duh" factor comes into play because Ramirez
intended to defend Bush against attacks
he believes are politically motivated.
message may be off the mark, he had
every right to doodle about it.
The above cartoon takes me back to when I was editor of The Easterner, EWU's
student rag. I received horrible verbal lashings (from the powers that be, or
rather, were) for printing stylized versions of the original, Pulitzer
photo throughout the newspaper for no apparent reason. I likewise used it later
in The Scene magazine, though its impact was lost in the bizarreness of the
articles and art that surrounded it. Finally, I altered the image (see left) and
used it in Issue 20 to illustrate a comment about Bush's military tribunals. The
lashings began again, most zealously by longtime OtherSpokane critic, USAmen
(not his real name) who claimed it was "trashily treasonous," a term, and
implications (after all, treason can be punishable by death), which I still
"It is better to die on one's feet
than to live on one's
Lord, Won't You Buy Me A ' 92
Now we know: Jesus drives an
SUV. The SUV Owners of America has responded
to the Evangelical Environmental Network's anti-SUV campaign that asked "What
Would Jesus Drive?" with a full-page ad in USA Today,
featuring a familiar Uber-Ride
driven by Jesus -- Jesus Rivera, that is
-- a proud new owner of one of the hip, oversized
Speaking of Redemption . . .
I reported in Issue 23 that this website -
OtherSpokane - was banned in China. In this
current issue I am happy to report that things are looking Up.
In Issue 24 I
www.GodHatesHarrodsburg.com. Its webguy wrote back with a subscription
request and the following note:
Your site came up on my referrals report. I wanted to praise you for not
being a lemming willing to jump off the altar of that little insane monster
George W. Bush.
I appreciate that you too fly
the flag upside to indicate that this nation is in distress – now more than
ever. Also, since you have helped to spread the true gospel you are looked upon
favorably by God. I should also refer you to
www.GodHatesAmerica.com for more insightful articles.
With kindest regards, I remain...
Yours in Christ
"Foolish liberals who are trying to read the Second Amendment
out of the Constitution by claiming it's not an individual right
or that it's too much of a safety hazard don't see the danger of
the big picture. They're courting disaster by encouraging others
to use this same means to eliminate portions of the Constitution
they don't like."
[Editor's note: Don't box me in.]
Chef Dave also sent me this
link to a deliciously
apocalyptic interview with Hunter S. Thompson by a 20-year-old journalist and his
Don't Bogart that Bill, my Friends
A House measure that would have put an end to federal raids on medical
marijuana clinics failed by a vote of 152-273. But there is cause for optimism:
sixty-seven percent of Democrats voted for the amendment.
Fifteen House Republicans supported it. The
number of "yes" votes was 62 percent higher than the last time the full House
voted on a medical marijuana issue, in 1998, indicating that Congressional
support for medical marijuana is rapidly growing.
You can bet that there will be
another vote on the Hinchey/Rohrabacher amendment next
Literally Happening Right Now!
Never again in our lifetime,
nor in our great-great-great-great-great grandchildren's
lifetime, will Planet Mars be so
spectacular. Earth is catching up with Mars, an
encounter that will culminate in the closest approach between the two
planets in recorded history. Next encounter: 2287.
Last encounter: between 5,000 and
60,000 years ago.
This glorious sight will climax on August 27th when Mars comes to within
34,649,589 miles from downtown Spokane. That's like
here to Metaline Falls only 350,000 times. Mars is currently (next to the moon) the brightest object in
the night sky.
It is now rising in the east
shortly after dusk and reaches its
azimuth after the bars close. But,
for the next week or so, when the two planets
are closest, Mars will rise at nightfall and reach its highest point
shortly after midnight -- a great opportunity to conveniently
experience cosmic history.
No one alive today will see
this again. See something
that was probably last seen by Cro-Magnons.
Voices from the Past
In this exerpt from Aeschylus's play The
Persians, the chorus has a reality check as a
seemingly invincible empire crumbles around them:
All those years we spent jubilant,
seeing the trifling, cowering
world from the height of our
shining saddles, brawling our might
across the earth as we forged an
empire, I never questioned . . .
It seemed so clear--our fate was to rule.
That's what I thought at the time.
But perhaps we were merely
deafened for years by the din
of our own empire-building,
the shouts of battle,
the clanging of swords,
the cries of victory.
Now, I certainly wouldn't go as far as Hustler magazine publisher, Larry
Flynt, who asked his "followers"
to join him in praying for the death of conservative TV
blowhard Bill O'Reilly. Still, O'Reilly does owes us
all an apology. On a March 18 episode of Good Morning America, he said, "If the Americans go in and overthrow Saddam Hussein and it's
clean, he has nothing [WMDs], I will apologize to the nation, and I will not
trust the Bush administration again."
C'mon, now, Bill. No spin.
"For once you must not try to shirk the facts;
Mankind is kept alive by bestial acts."
Unseemly Song Juxtaposition from
My Windows Media Player
Sonata for Solo Cello, Op. 8: I Yo-Yo
Sonata for Solo Cello, Op. 8: II Yo-Yo
Sonata for Solo Cello, Op. 8: III Yo-Yo Ma
Titties and Beer
Frank Zappa Zappa in New York
Next Issue: When you least expect
(for free) to be sure
read the OtherSpokane DISCLAIMER
Stik Mann's OtherSpokane and all content within
Copyright © 2003, Steven J. St.
(unless otherwise noted or as obvious as a man
with a headset and dark glasses at an anti-war rally).