Issue 25
August 22, 2003


Running with Scissors
Since 1999

An e-journal documenting modern culture as it manifests on or near that hotspot on the surrealistic powergrid known as Spokane, WA and/or the known or unknown universe
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Stik Mann's
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The Martyrdom of

#1 - #2 - #3 - #4

My meeting with
Stacey #1 - #2

dewD-ling --
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is protected speech pursuant to the First Amendment to the Constitution of the United States of America. Don't tread on me, pretty please.
 

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"If freedom of speech
is taken away,
then dumb and silent
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like sheep
to the slaughter."

George Washington

                
         Rock and a Hard Place

            issue of Stik Mann's OtherSpokane.

     This a special issue, I say, because your most humble e-editor hath experienced a revelation of near-Biblical magnitude. (Also included in this e-epistle is a special bonus mini-revelation of pulp paperback proportions.)

The Revelation-amudo
Prepare to confront, my friends, the horrible reality of who will be facing who will be facing Bush in the upcoming election, now just a year away.

First, some history: It was in the year of our Lord, Nineteen Hundred and Sixty-Eight. President Lyndon Baines Johnson was up to his appendix scar in a horrible, distant war that was threatening to tear our country apart -- and all this while facing re-election.  The Kennedy kid didn't help things either, chewing on the presidential ankle every time Johnson stopped to pee.

Robert Kennedy wasn't sure he could beat Johnson and he swore publicly he wouldn't run. But when Johnson tripped over some flowers that fell out of Eugene McCarthy's hair, Kennedy jumped to the front of the line and Johnson peed in peace forever after.

Kennedy held the New York Senate seat currently held by . . . gulp . . .Hillary Clinton.

Back to the future: As we near the primaries, Bush will out-poll any of the nine political munchkins who currently oppose him, despite the fact that his popularity polls will continue to sink. When the pop poll hits a certain degree in the neg zone, lights will flash and sirens will shriek through the hallways of Clinton Place.

Hillary steps to the front of the line.

But wait, there's more -- picture this: Bush on the far right. Hill on the far left. Hey, who's that driving his Humvee through all that space in the middle?

Why it's General Wesley Clarke, waving a new third party banner.

Bonus Mini-Revelation
Two Words: Guvana Ahnald
___

Yet Another Sign of the Coming Apocalypse
KB Toys has just put out the latest issue in its Elite Force series of authentic military 12- inch figures, President George W. Bush in naval aviator flight uniform. Exacting in detail and fully equipped with authentic gear, this limited-edition action figure is a meticulous 1:6 scale recreation of the Commander-in-Chief's farcical flyboy routine on the USS Abraham Lincoln.
    Just like Bush's actual military service, once you buy this toy it strangely disappears in the toy box and is never seen again.
source

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Propaganda-R-Us
I sent the above HunkaBush link to dewD, long-time friend and OtherSpokane contributor. He promptly wrote back:

Next up is the 'Dubya WTC  Action Set' -- complete with action demolition and swinging planes. Then there will be the 'Iraq Invasion Force' set and 'Find Saddam' books that are like 'Where's Waldo.' And 'Iraqi Trivial Pursuit' -- where we have to come up with casualty stats and names of battles won by Americans -- the game will need continual updating. Then there will be the anti gay marriage board game where you win by becoming Ashcroft at the end . . .  
     Stik, it all makes me want to dance in the forest more often.
___

Fruits of the Tree of Self-Admitted Fascism
Thanks to Chef Dave for pointing out yet another example of the deceptiveness and staggering arrogance of this administration. The Justice Department recently put up a website www.lifeandliberty.com which purports to demystify the Patriot Act. It begins with one of the most important declarations ever to be uttered by mortals:

"WE hold these Truths to be self-evident, that all Men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness -- That to secure these Rights, Governments are instituted..."

But notice how the quote is not finished. Notice where and what they chose to edit:

...among Men, deriving their just Powers from the Consent of the Governed, that whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these Ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it...
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More From the Same Author!
"But when a long Train of Abuses and Usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object, evinces a Design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their Right, it is their Duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future Security."
     Thomas Jefferson
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In Defense of the "F" Word
According to a Google, variations of the "F" word is the most popular search, garnering approximately 50 million hits. Baseball, the next most popular word, turned up about 14 million hits. Click here to read a motion filed by a Colorado public defender representing a student who swore at a school administrator. Another good freakin' page here.
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"One of the penalties for refusing to participate in politics
is that you end up being governed by your inferiors."
     Plato
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I've been dipping my toes in The Newton Project; but, there's something I can't reconcile.
     Sir Isaac Newton: He invented mathematical physics and calculus. He put his finger on the nature of gravity and light. Physicist Hermann Bondi said Newton's calculations "entered the marrow of what we know without knowing how we know it."
     Yet, these great accomplishments were but a few pods in the great man's gray matter pea patch. Learned folks who know of such things claim that Newton not only possessed one of the greatest scientific brains to ever top a noggin, he was also the foremost alchemist and one of the leading biblical scholars of 18th century Europe.
     And all this despite some really bad hair days.
     How is it that he who peeked up Mother Nature's skirt could also write, "the world natural is represented by the Temple of Jerusalem & the parts of this world by the analogous parts of the Temple: as heaven by the house of the Temple; the highest heaven by the most holy the Sun by the bright flame of the fire of the Altar the Moon by the burning coals upon the Altar the stars by the Lamps."
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Coincidence? I Don't Think So
Earlier this month, Bush had a prostate exam. Shortly after, he came out against gay marriage.
___

"The hottest places in Hell are reserved for those
who remain neutral in time of great moral crisis."
     Dante Alighieri
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Dangerous Doodling
The Secret Service recently investigated Michael Ramirez, a Los Angeles Times editorial cartoonist. The award-winning cartoonist upset the Secret Service with the drawing to the right. The SS interpreted the image as a "snuff" cartoon and toyed with the idea that Ramirez was a threat to the president. The "Duh" factor comes into play because Ramirez intended to defend Bush against attacks he believes are politically motivated.
     While Ramirez's message may be off the mark, he had every right to doodle about it.
source
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Flashback
The above cartoon takes me back to when I was editor of The Easterner, EWU's student rag. I received horrible verbal lashings (from the powers that be, or rather, were) for printing stylized versions of the original, Pulitzer winning photo throughout the newspaper for no apparent reason. I likewise used it later in The Scene magazine, though its impact was lost in the bizarreness of the articles and art that surrounded it. Finally, I altered the image (see left) and used it in Issue 20 to illustrate a comment about Bush's military tribunals. The lashings began again, most zealously by longtime OtherSpokane critic, USAmen (not his real name) who claimed it was "trashily treasonous," a term, and implications (after all, treason can be punishable by death), which I still ponder.
___

"It is better to die on one's feet
than to live on one's knees."
     Albert Camus
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Lord, Won't You Buy Me A ' 92 Ford Escort
Now we know: Jesus drives an SUV. The SUV Owners of America has responded to the Evangelical Environmental Network's anti-SUV campaign that asked "What Would Jesus Drive?" with a full-page ad in USA Today, featuring a familiar Uber-Ride driven by Jesus -- Jesus Rivera, that is -- a proud new owner of one of the hip, oversized gas guzzlers.
___

 Speaking of Redemption . . .
I reported in Issue 23 that this website - OtherSpokane - was banned in China. In this current issue I am happy to report that things are looking Up. In Issue 24 I featured www.GodHatesHarrodsburg.com. Its webguy wrote back with a subscription request and the following note:

Your site came up on my referrals report. I wanted to praise you for not being a lemming willing to jump off the altar of that little insane monster George W. Bush.
     I appreciate that you too fly the flag upside to indicate that this nation is in distress – now more than ever. Also, since you have helped to spread the true gospel you are looked upon favorably by God. I should also refer you to www.GodHatesAmerica.com for more insightful articles.
     With kindest regards, I remain...

Yours in Christ
Bart McQueary
___

"Foolish liberals who are trying to read the Second Amendment out of the Constitution by claiming it's not an individual right or that it's too much of a safety hazard don't see the danger of the big picture.  They're courting disaster by encouraging others to use this same means to eliminate portions of the Constitution they don't like."
      Alan Dershowitz

[Editor's note: Don't box me in.]
___

Chef Dave also sent me this link to a deliciously apocalyptic interview with Hunter S. Thompson by a 20-year-old journalist and his stoned girlfriend.
___

Don't Bogart that Bill, my Friends
A House measure that would have put an end to federal raids on medical marijuana clinics failed by a vote of 152-273. But there is cause for optimism: sixty-seven percent of Democrats voted for the amendment. Fifteen House Republicans supported it. The number of "yes" votes was 62 percent higher than the last time the full House voted on a medical marijuana issue, in 1998, indicating that Congressional support for medical marijuana is rapidly growing.
     You can bet that there will be another vote on the Hinchey/Rohrabacher amendment next year.
___

Literally Happening Right Now!
Never again in our lifetime, nor in our great-great-great-great-great grandchildren's lifetime, will Planet Mars be so spectacular. Earth is catching up with Mars, an encounter that will culminate in the closest approach between the two planets in recorded history. Next encounter: 2287. Last encounter: between 5,000 and 60,000 years ago.
     This glorious sight will climax on August 27th when Mars comes to within 34,649,589 miles from downtown Spokane. That's like here to Metaline Falls only 350,000 times. Mars is currently (next to the moon) the brightest object in the night sky.
     It is now rising in the east shortly after dusk and reaches its azimuth after the bars close. But, for the next week or so, when the two planets are closest, Mars will rise at nightfall and reach its highest point shortly after midnight -- a great opportunity to conveniently experience cosmic history.
     No one alive today will see this again. See something that was probably last seen by Cro-Magnons.
___

Voices from the Past
In this exerpt from Aeschylus's play The Persians, the chorus has a reality check as a seemingly invincible empire crumbles around them:

All those years we spent jubilant,
seeing the trifling, cowering
world from the height of our
shining saddles, brawling our might
across the earth as we forged an
empire, I never questioned . . .
It seemed so clear--our fate was to rule.
That's what I thought at the time.
But perhaps we were merely
deafened for years by the din
of our own empire-building,
the shouts of battle,
the clanging of swords,
the cries of victory.

He-a Culpa
Now, I certainly wouldn't go as far as Hustler magazine publisher, Larry Flynt, who asked his "followers" to join him in praying for the death of conservative TV blowhard Bill O'Reilly. Still, O'Reilly does owes us all an apology. On a March 18 episode of Good Morning America, he said, "If the Americans go in and overthrow Saddam Hussein and it's clean, he has nothing [WMDs], I will apologize to the nation, and I will not trust the Bush administration again."
     C'mon, now, Bill. No spin.
___

"For once you must not try to shirk the facts;
Mankind is kept alive by bestial acts."
Berthold Brecht
___

Unseemly Song Juxtaposition from My Windows Media Player
Sonata for Solo Cello, Op. 8: I        Yo-Yo Ma           Solo
Sonata for Solo Cello, Op. 8: II        Yo-Yo Ma          Solo
Sonata for Solo Cello, Op. 8: III       Yo-Yo Ma          Solo
Titties and Beer                             Frank Zappa       Zappa in New York