Dear Editor and concerned citizen. Please publish the following
DON'T BE FOOLED!!!! Y2K IS RAMPANT!!!!!!!
This electronic document, which you are not actually reading because of the Y2K bug, is to warn you that the EFFECTS OF THE Y2K BUG ARE RAMPANT but non-evident due to a VAST CONSPIRACY orchestrated by a CORPORATE/POLITICAL/MASS MARKET MEDIA CONGLOMERATE desperately trying to protect the FRAGILE INFLATED STATE OF THE STOCK MARKET for their own gain, and to urge you to TAKE ACTION NOW!!!!
Despite television reports (dictated by the HIGH PRIESTS of the MASS MARKET MEDIA) of Y2K as a "non-event," you are in fact suffering from the effects of Y2K. Any appearances to the contrary cannot be trusted.
Don't believe the LIES. Here are the FACTS:
1. Your COMPUTER IS NOT WORKING. All files have been erased and none of the applications are operational.
2. Your bank account has been ERASED
3. Your CREDIT CARDS WILL NOT BE ACCEPTED by merchants.
4. Your POWER IS OUT
5. Your grocery store is UNABLE TO STOCK FOOD or vital necessities such as TOILET PAPER.
6. RUSSIAN MISSLES HAVE BEEN LAUNCHED and are heading toward the United States.
The above FACTS ARE TRUE and must be brought to light. Do not allow the illusion to continue. FIGHT BACK:
1. If your computer appears to be working, go to MS DOS mode and type FORMAT C:\. (This will erase your hard drive; but don't worry, it has already been erased.) Turn off your computer and disassemble it.
2. Call your bank and insist that they set your account to the correct post Y2K balance: $0. If they refuse, withdraw all your money and burn it, as it is non-existent anyway.
3. Call your credit card company and insist that they erase your account information. If they refuse, follow similar tactics to those outlined under #2.
4. If your power is still "on," turn off all lights and heat. For light and warmth you may burn the disassembled computer parts from #1.
5. Do not attempt to buy food or toilet paper, as what you are purchasing will not be actual food or toilet paper, despite any appearances to the contrary. Do not eat post Y2K food. DO NOT WIPE YOUR ASS.
6. If you are not feeling the effects of radiation sickness from the Russian missles which have surely obliterated your city by now, do not be fooled. Your city has been destroyed and, if still alive, you are rapidly deteriorating from the radiation. If after several days you still feel no effect, you may wish to take matters into your own hands. Ingest plutonium (or a suitable alternative). You may find plutonium easier to ingest by cooking it into brownies or making tea. If you are unable to obtain a highly radioactive material, stand near your microwave and keep it on "HIGH"
Y2K is REAL!!!!! Don't be a PUPPET TO THE POWERS THAT BE! Take matters into your own hands NOW!!!!!
DON'T BE A FOOL!!!!!!!!!