Steve St. George
Steve@OtherSpokane.com

 

SCREEN TEST

Darkness.

DIRECTOR
(Off screen)
Sooo, it says our next model’s name is “Larry?”

ZOEY
(Off screen)
Larry is your name, silly. My name is Zoey.

Cut to Title: SCREEN TEST

ZOEY
(Off screen)
I’m kind of nervous.

1. Cut to a close up of Zoey in near darkness, tiny beads of light outline her form. A distant flame barely illuminates her face.

DIRECTOR
(Off screen)
That’s okay. We’re just going to do some lighting tests. You don’t have to be Meryl Streep today.

ZOEY
Who?

DIRECTOR
(Off screen)
Perfect. You’re perfect, honey.
(to a stage hand)
Key light, please, Carl.
 

Cut to Title: ZOEY – Key light (plus f-stop and exposure info)

2. Cut to Zoey, half of her face lit, half darkened. Strange shadows move behind her.

DIRECTOR
(Off screen)
Nice. Very nice. You’re very beautiful, Zoey.

ZOEY
 (sheepishly)
Thank you.

DIRECTOR
(Off screen)
What do you do, sweetie?
(to stage hand)
Add fill and hair light, please.

Cut to Title: ZOEY – Full Lighting (f-stop, exposure).

ZOEY
(Off screen)
I spread chaos and dread. I am the Avenging Angel.

3. Cut to Zoey, fully lit.

DIRECTOR
(Off screen)
Zoey, honey, can you shake your hair out a bit? Fluff it up.  ... I’m sorry. What did you say? What do you do?

ZOEY
I said, I’m a witch.  

DIRECTOR
(Off screen)
Ooo-kay ... a witch, huh? Can you turn your head just a bit to the right? ... Right there. Perfect.
(to stage hand)
Okay. Kill the fill, Carl. And, what the hell, gimme some drifting fog for the witch.

Cut to Title: ZOEY – Key, hair light, fog machine (f-stop, exposure).  

DIRECTOR

(Off screen)
So, are you a good witch? Or are you a bad witch?

4. Cut to Zoey, lit strangely, hair moving in the breeze, fog...

ZOEY
That’s for you to find out.

DIRECTOR
(Off screen)
Oh, you hexed me with that hot ass, sweetie. You don’t need no eye of frog.  

ZOEY
(Strangely polite)
The reference is “Eye of newt, toe of frog,” you imbecile.

DIRECTOR
(Off screen)
Uh. Excuse me? ... How badly you want this work, girl? Maybe we could find a better use for that big mouth of yours.
(to stage hand)
Kill the fucking key light.

Cut to Title: ZOEY – hair light, key light fucking killed (f-stop, exposure).

ZOEY
(Off screen)
See how you would be, Larry? Do you see your true nature? I think you’ll find this was a relevant experiment.

5. Cut to Zoey, backlit, holding a candle, her face flickering like it’s on fire, her eyes black and mysterious.

DIRECTOR
(Off screen)
Explain yourself, bitch, or get out.

ZOEY
Shake your head a bit for me, will you, honey? Fluff up your hair.

The camera moves in for an extreme close up. Zoey looks stoned and crazed, but fully in control.

ZOEY
(to the stage hand)
Kill the lights, please, Carl, and get ready to shoot me some juice.

Cut to Title: LARRY – near darkness, electrical shocks. (f-stop, exposure).

DIRECTOR
(Off screen)
What the- ?!!

Crashing and grunts are heard.

6. Cut to Director, the first time we’ve seen him, his face barely illuminated by a distant flame. Suddenly there is a succession of electrical shocks, causing a strob-effect, flashing white, phosphorous portraits of the Director in torturous poses, screaming.

ZOEY
(Off screen)
It’s okay. Just some lighting tests.

DIRECTOR
(Desperate, maniacal)
What?!! I - I don’t understand.

ZOEY
No big deal. You don’t have to be Al Pacino today.

DIRECTOR
(Madly)
Who?!!

Cut to Black.

ZOEY
(Laughing wickedly)
Perfect. You’ll be perfect, honey.

Credits.

 

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